For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
