I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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