My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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