He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
