DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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