we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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