I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
