2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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