You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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