YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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