i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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