i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I did not marry a roomba.
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