Tell her she can't have a vagina
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
