Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
