btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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