everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
