The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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