At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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