I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
