I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
