Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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