you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
