shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
