Just mADE A PArabola og urine
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
