Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
