im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
