Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
