I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
