So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
