So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
