You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
