I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
