No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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