I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
