i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
