Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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