The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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