I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
