Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
