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At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
