Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
