Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
