Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
pop tarts are not kleenex
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
