A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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