he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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