here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
