jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you would pick up someone in the library
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
