oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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