If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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