I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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