At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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