i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
