It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
